The Jabberwock

There’s blood under my fingernails

And smeared across my skin

It trickles down my arms

And seeps out from within

I scab, I scar, I stain, I sting

But I can’t control the pressing urge

To ruin everything

I can’t help scratching at my scarpes

Although I’m reeling at the ache

So I bury myself in bandages and cut my nails to nubs

I swear this was the last time

No more destroying what is mine

I think my cuts have begun to heal

The pain is gone

The blood’s congealed

So I stare at the scars

Under bandaids I discard

In time I hope they fade

A reminder of the mess I’ve made

I start to feel it like an arrest

I’m bored, I’m scared, I’m anxious, I’m stressed

I stare at the scars

Like shimmering stars

Something like desire

Ignites in me with scorching fire

It takes me over like I’m possessed

And it almost makes me feel refreshed

But then with blood dispersed around my hand

I know I’m back where I began

I’ve sabotaged myself in the worst of ways

I couldn’t even make it 7 days

I can’t say how and I can’t say why

So I feel myself about to cry.