The Jabberwock

Journal entry 1:

Date: September, 8, 2017 

People always say high school should be a time when you stay academically focused, join clubs, and find friends. The thing about most friendships in high school is they do not last. If you end high school with three good friends, you’re lucky. At least, that’s what I heard. Today is the night before I become a freshman. I am Finally starting high school, and hopefully, at the end of freshman year, I will find it enjoyable. In my old school, the kids were either nerds or kids who wanted to be well-known. I’m praying that is not the case for this school. Either way, this school is ten times bigger than my old school, so I’m sure there’s somewhere to hide from other kids. When I was looking at the pictures online, I got so nervous because I noticed there were two main doors. I wondered which one I was supposed to use. In front of the school, there’s a small garden filled with all kinds of flowers. I can’t wait to see what the inside of the school looks like. Crazy enough, I have never been inside because I missed the chance to go to orientation since I was in Florida, but I do know they have one of the biggest gyms out of all the schools in Boston. I hope by the end of the year, I make two to three friends who love to read and write just like me!

Week 1: 

“Azlia, wake up, honey. I know it’s only 5 am and school starts at 8 am, but you take forever to get ready, and you need to look your best,” my mom said. 

 “Fine,” I replied.

After five minutes, I decided to get up since it was the first day of school and I needed as much patience as possible. I took ten minutes to meditate before getting ready for school. Picking what to wear was probably the hardest thing ever. After ten minutes of looking, I decided to wear a white off-the-shoulder sweater with blue jeans and my black trench coat. As I put on my trench coat, my stomach started to rumble. I went to the living room to make the most tasteful breakfast sandwich ever. Once I finished eating, my mom finally came out.

“Azlia, we gotta go. It’s 7:20.”

“Okay, coming!” I replied.

While we were in the car, her mother gave her a speech about how she should ignore any boys who try to flirt with her because she is too young to be dating. She also warned her to be careful when picking friends because high school can be tough, and the last thing she needs is to have terrible, fake friends.

“I’ll be careful,” I replied.

“Well, okay. Here we are. Have a good day at school. Call me when it’s over, and I’ll come get you at 2:30.”

“Thanks, Mom. See you later,” I replied.

I never realized how big this school was. When I looked at the time, I noticed I had only 5 minutes left before the class started, so I couldn’t explore the school. I went to the main desk to ask for a paper schedule. The receptionist handed me my schedule and told me that my first-period class was on the third floor near the women’s bathroom. She also suggested that the fastest way to get there was by taking staircase C. I thanked her and started walking towards staircase C, but I wasn’t happy about having to walk to the third floor. To make matters worse, I have biology first period. I just hope everything goes smoothly.

“Welcome to biology class. My name is Mrs. Markers. In this class, we will be learning about different types of living organisms and their functions. Before we start, I will assign you seats. If I call your name please sit toward the back of the classroom: Max, Jacob, Matt, Kai, Azlia, Spencer, and Briana.”

While I was writing the date in my notebook, Spencer tapped me on the shoulder. She introduced herself as my new table mate, and we exchanged greetings. Spencer complimented my name, and we both laughed when she pointed out that Mrs. Markers looked like Linda Belcher from Bob’s Burgers. Unfortunately, our laughter caught Mrs. Markers’ attention, and she asked if we had something to share with the class.

“No ma’am” I replied, while looking down at my table.

I glanced at Spencer once again, and we both broke into a smile. Spencer was a lovely girl who resembled the grunge girls I often see on TikTok. She has brown hair and light brown eyes, and she was wearing a lot of eyeliner. She had on dark blue jeans, a white and black striped shirt, and a leather jacket. On her head, she wore a black spider-webbed beanie, and her silver jewelry included a skull necklace and a matching ring.

After class, Spencer and I walked together to our next class and discovered that we had the same schedule. We promised each other that we would always walk to class together. Spencer then suggested that I should meet her other friends, Zion and Sarah, who were the nicest people ever. I agreed, and she informed me that I would get to meet them at lunch.

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The lunchroom was quite spacious and clean, and my friend Spencer and I headed towards the lunch line. The school was serving pizza that day. 

“I hope the pizza tastes good,” I told Spencer.

“I doubt it, school pizza never tastes good,” she replied.

“Well, it serves the purpose,” I said.

“True. Are you ready to meet my friends?” she asked.

We walked up to two girls. One of them had red hair and was white, wearing brown Uggs, a pink off-the-shoulder long-sleeve shirt, and light blue jeans. The other girl had dark brown eyes, black curly hair, and dark skin, wearing baggy jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black sweater vest. 

“, Zion and Sarah, this is my new friend Azlia” Spencer announced

“Hi Azlia, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Zion,” one of the girls greeted me.

“Hey, I’m Sarah,” the other girl said

“Hi Zion and Sarah, it’s nice to meet you too,” I replied. 

As we sat together around the table, getting to know each other and sharing our hobbies, Zion suddenly turned to me and asked, “Do you smoke, Azlia?”

Spencer, quickly responded, “Zion, why would you ask her that? You are trying to scare my friend away.”

“It’s fine, Spencer. And to answer your question, Zion, I do not smoke. Why do you ask?” I replied.

Zion responded, “We all smoke, so I just wanted to know.”

Spencer added, “It’s fine if you do not smoke. You probably shouldn’t anyway.”

Just then, the bell rang, signaling the end of our break. Spencer suggested that we should go to our next class. We said our goodbyes to Zion and Sarah and left.

As we were walking to our next class, Spencer apologized to Zion for asking me if I smoked. Although I told her it was fine, I still felt a bit uneasy about the situation.

Later, after school ended at 2 PM, Spencer and I met up with Zion and Sarah. “We should go get some food,” Sarah suggested. “Sure, but my mom is coming to get me at 2:30, so I can’t go far,” I replied. We all agreed to go to McBurger. As we were walking to McBurgers, although I initially felt uneasy, it appeared that Sarah and Zion were interesting people, and I wanted to be friends with them.

When we got to McBurgers, Zion and I decided to order a large drink each, while Sarah wanted a MacChicken, and Spencer went for a MacDouble. We placed our orders inside the restaurant, but it took a long time for our food to arrive. As we waited, Sarah asked if we could accompany her to the bathroom. We all agreed and went together.

When we entered the bathroom, Sarah and Zion took out their vape and began recording a video while smoking. Sarah stopped recording and turned towards me saying, “Azlia, you should give it a try.” Zion chimed in, “It’s the best stress reliever ever, trust me on that.” I politely declined and said, “No thanks, I don’t smoke.” Zion persisted saying, “Come on, it won’t kill you if you try it.” However, I maintained my decision and replied, “No, thank you.”

Spencer started to speak but Sarah interrupted her, saying, “Azlia, if you want to hang out with us, you have to smoke.” I replied, “Fine, I’ll take one hit and that’s it.” As soon as I took the hit, I started coughing, and the girls laughed at me. “See? It wasn’t that bad, and we all coughed on our first hit,” Sarah said. Despite my hesitation, I took the vape and started smoking with them and the girls taught me all sorts of unusual techniques. At that moment, I hated myself, but I since I wanted them to be my friends, I just kept smoking with them. When Zion urged me to take another hit, I declined, saying, “I’m not taking another one”. She didn’t seem happy but luickly Spencer jumped in and said it was fine, we needed to go eat anyway. 

As we were grabbing our food, I glanced at my phone and noticed a text from my mom that was sent 5 minutes earlier. The text read that she was on her way to pick me up. 

“I have to go back to school, guys,” I announced. 

Sarah looked puzzled and asked, “Why?” 

“My mom is coming to pick me up,” I replied. 

 Spencer suggested walking with me and advised me to drink water as I looked high. I expressed concern that my mom would be angry with me. Spencer handed me her water bottle, and we began to make our way back to school. However, during the walk, I started feeling unwell and dizzy, as if walking on clouds. We somehow made it back to the school, but just as my mom called to say she had arrived, I threw up while walking towards the car.

“Azlia! Are you okay? What happened?” Mom asked. 

 “I’m fine, I want to go home,” I replied. 

“You just threw up on the sidewalk. Are you okay?” she asked with concern.

“I smoked,” I replied to my mother’s question.

“What do you mean you smoked?” She yelled at me, shocked.

I started laughing, maybe because I had never heard her yell before. “Azlia, I know you are not laughing right now!” She said, 

“I’m sorry, I really don’t feel good,” I said.

“Okay, we will talk about this later. I’m taking you to the hospital,” she replied.

On our way to the hospital room, I kept throwing up, and for the rest of the way, I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed. I threw up again, and my mom gave me some water. When I finally got it together and looked up at her, she looked so disappointed, and I started crying.

“I’m so sorry, Mom. I just wanted to make friends,” I said.” 

Journal entry 2:

Date: September 20th 

Destroy me just for you…. What has this generation become? 

Each generation becomes worse than the last because of this; here we are. We focus on sex, drugs, lust, popularity, and sin. We destroy ourselves every single day to fit the standards of this messed-up world. All we care for is other people’s approval, so we smoke just like them, lose our virginity early because it’s a “flex,” and most importantly, put ourselves through hell to be cool. Most people are numb and live on autopilot, but what kind of life is that?

Is it worth forcing yourself to fit in with this disgusting world? Love does not exist in this world anymore; love is just a good time. Love is now lust. Why would you fight for someone who wants to bang you? What has this generation come to? Is this the kind of person you want to destroy yourself for?